EsoTarot Cards, part 2

Part 1 of my vaguely-erotic tarot cards can be found here.

There’s a couple more in-jokes with fellow performers here, and if you don’t know who they are, check out the bio section on our website, or even better, come by next time you’re in New Orleans.

11. Justice

The Ghost of Esoteroticas Present leads you through the night to a well-lit house, and clasps its hands together to give you a boost up to peer in through the window. Inside you see two people, their faces obscured by one’s hair, embraced on the living room couch and in the process of undressing each other.

“Did you really take me here to show me my cheating jackass ex getting laid?”

The Ghost shakes its head, lets you down, then produces a ladder which it raises against the side of the house. You climb and look in through a second story window, where you recognize your ex, alone on one side of a bed, fast asleep.

Interpretations: Schadenfreude, things evening out, the not-Alanis-Morissette kind of irony.
Reversed: You’re just going to sit there scribbling over his face in old photos for another weekend, aren’t you? I worry sometimes.


12. The Hanged Man

YOU HAVE A NEW MESSAGE FROM remfan82 ON OKCUPID

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YOU HAVE A NEW MESSAGE FROM xbigpapix ON OKCUPID

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YOU HAVE A NEW MESSAGE FROM cameramanjeff ON OKCUPID

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Interpretations: Ongoing frustration, being surrounded by unoriginality.
Reversed: Satisfying one-night stand from a Craigslist “Missed Connection.”

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EsoTarot Cards, part 1

Once I realized the natural pun, I just had to do something with the idea of Esoterotica-themed tarot cards. However, I’ve zero ability with visual art. So I wrote little vignettes that could be read in accompaniment with a normal tarot deck instead of the traditional interpretations for the major arcana. Part 2 can be found here.

0. The Fool

“Dear Reddit,” you begin to type, “I’d read The Game and completed all the practice tests at the back, and thought I was at a level where I could just neg some girls into submission with my conversational prowess, but they all called me a dweeb and then ignored me. Are there some better tricks I should be using?”

You awake the following morning to find your thread has made it to the front page.

Interpretations: False leads, mistakes, underestimating your audience.
Reversed: You carry yourself with an easy confidence.

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Better Moans and Gardens

I don’t usually do the confessional thing, but this was too fun not to share with the Esoterotica crowd. . .

Personally, I’ve never seen the appeal of having sex in the woods. There’s itchy pine needles all over the blankets, no easy access to brunch the following morning, plus we’d have to tie the used condoms up in a tree so that bears couldn’t get to them.

Besides, being alone in the wilderness would eliminate my single biggest turn-on when it comes to doing it outside: the risk of being seen. So my preferred venue has become other people’s yards.

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Rhode Island Limericks

Here’s a handful of the limerick series I penned to help drag the form out from Nantucket’s shadow. Sure Rhode Island’s poetic representatives aren’t as physically impressive as their northern neighbor, but they probably have great personalities!

There once was a man from Warren
Whose sexual acts were quite borin’.
He hooked up with a chick
who was narcoleptic,
so he didn’t wake her while performin’.

There was once a young fellow from Coventry
who could not help from falling in love with me.
Didn’t want to be rude
since I’m not in to dudes,
so we only made out one time… okay, three.

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