EsoTarot Cards, part 1

Once I realized the natural pun, I just had to do something with the idea of Esoterotica-themed tarot cards. However, I’ve zero ability with visual art. So I wrote little vignettes that could be read in accompaniment with a normal tarot deck instead of the traditional interpretations for the major arcana. Part 2 can be found here.

0. The Fool

“Dear Reddit,” you begin to type, “I’d read The Game and completed all the practice tests at the back, and thought I was at a level where I could just neg some girls into submission with my conversational prowess, but they all called me a dweeb and then ignored me. Are there some better tricks I should be using?”

You awake the following morning to find your thread has made it to the front page.

Interpretations: False leads, mistakes, underestimating your audience.
Reversed: You carry yourself with an easy confidence.

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Better Moans and Gardens

I don’t usually do the confessional thing, but this was too fun not to share with the Esoterotica crowd. . .

Personally, I’ve never seen the appeal of having sex in the woods. There’s itchy pine needles all over the blankets, no easy access to brunch the following morning, plus we’d have to tie the used condoms up in a tree so that bears couldn’t get to them.

Besides, being alone in the wilderness would eliminate my single biggest turn-on when it comes to doing it outside: the risk of being seen. So my preferred venue has become other people’s yards.

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The Offspring Rename Project

I went searching for Demons by Chelsea Wolfe in my MP3s last week and was surprised to see that there was an Offspring song with the same name. I’ve been porting the same gigs of MP3s from computer to computer since the early 2000s, adding on without ever culling the herd, and had completely forgotten I even had any Offspring albums. So I decided to rename their Demons to “Clown Shoes” to avoid confusion.

Then I decided, since I hadn’t listened to them in over a decade and probably wouldn’t feel inclined to in the future, I should just give all their songs more appropriate names. The results are below.

OffspringRename1Read More »

Rhode Island Limericks

Here’s a handful of the limerick series I penned to help drag the form out from Nantucket’s shadow. Sure Rhode Island’s poetic representatives aren’t as physically impressive as their northern neighbor, but they probably have great personalities!

There once was a man from Warren
Whose sexual acts were quite borin’.
He hooked up with a chick
who was narcoleptic,
so he didn’t wake her while performin’.

There was once a young fellow from Coventry
who could not help from falling in love with me.
Didn’t want to be rude
since I’m not in to dudes,
so we only made out one time… okay, three.

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