There Will Be a Last Time

This week’s Esoterotica theme was “The Future of Sex.” I took an unusually pragmatic approach compared to my usual style.
#RollInTheGreenHay

 

On the subject of sex in the future… I don’t know how to broach this subject tactfully. You might not want this to happen but it’s not necessarily something you have control over: everybody here needs to realize there is going to be a Last Time That You Have Sex. I know that I currently plan on living forever, but when I was 16 I planned on having sex with Christina Ricci in one of those hotel rooms with a giant mirror on the ceiling and you would have heard about that on stage by now if it happened. What I’m saying is I want to be prepared for the worst-case scenario: not that I will die, but that there will be some sexless amount of time in between my death and my final sexual incident. Whenever, with whomever, and on whomever else’s couch that may be.

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Nocturnal Admissions: Swine & Roses

Entry number five or six in my series of shorts about a third-shift psychologist. Special guest-reference to the work of Andy Reynolds, fellow New Orleans SF writer — check his stuff out here.

 

Nocturnal Admissions: Swine & Roses

Ever since I helped that smooth guy from Cafe Envie get over his affair with a sexually-frustrated ghost, my practice has begun taking on the occasional supernatural client. A number of them, unsurprisingly, have trouble integrating into modern society.

Andy is probably the one who gave Circe got my number. Dream girl? I can’t date clients. Pixie? It was more of a Chelsea cut. But manic? That’s exactly what her appointment that night was about!

“So,” she began, “after some bro-y sailor spread gossip about me being a battleaxe just because I wouldn’t line his crew up and blow ’em all in a row like a trained seal, I had to skip town for a couple thousand years. New Orleans seemed like a fun place with the vampires and all.”

“That’s just for tourism,” I said.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

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A Review, A Con, and Theatre Stories

Random updates to publishing ventures this weekend!

My short story “Steam & Hot Air” was praised in a writeup of Gallery of Curiosities on the blog Steampunk Way of Life. Thanks, folks!

I went to Bouchercon here in NOLA this weekend, got some signed Ken Wishnia books, had to snark on a guy for expressing surprise that we’re not a blight-addled swampscape a decade after Katrina, and got handed an entire pint bottle of whiskey by what I sure hope was someone officially employed on the con’s behalf. Hm.

This Sunday also marked the publication of two books I’ve contributed to! Longing is Esoterotica’s third anthology which includes a style parody of a favorite author of mine and a (rare!) actual confessional essay. Beyond Desire is a reissue of their first anthology which removes some material from performers who’ve parted ways and includes the scripts to our two Fringe shows. Our collective stories about the production of these shows could probably run longer than the scripts themselves, but I’ll share two of my favorites.

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EsoTarot Cards, part 2

Part 1 of my vaguely-erotic tarot cards can be found here.

There’s a couple more in-jokes with fellow performers here, and if you don’t know who they are, check out the bio section on our website, or even better, come by next time you’re in New Orleans.

11. Justice

The Ghost of Esoteroticas Present leads you through the night to a well-lit house, and clasps its hands together to give you a boost up to peer in through the window. Inside you see two people, their faces obscured by one’s hair, embraced on the living room couch and in the process of undressing each other.

“Did you really take me here to show me my cheating jackass ex getting laid?”

The Ghost shakes its head, lets you down, then produces a ladder which it raises against the side of the house. You climb and look in through a second story window, where you recognize your ex, alone on one side of a bed, fast asleep.

Interpretations: Schadenfreude, things evening out, the not-Alanis-Morissette kind of irony.
Reversed: You’re just going to sit there scribbling over his face in old photos for another weekend, aren’t you? I worry sometimes.


12. The Hanged Man

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Interpretations: Ongoing frustration, being surrounded by unoriginality.
Reversed: Satisfying one-night stand from a Craigslist “Missed Connection.”

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