Better Moans and Gardens

I don’t usually do the confessional thing, but this was too fun not to share with the Esoterotica crowd. . .

Personally, I’ve never seen the appeal of having sex in the woods. There’s itchy pine needles all over the blankets, no easy access to brunch the following morning, plus we’d have to tie the used condoms up in a tree so that bears couldn’t get to them.

Besides, being alone in the wilderness would eliminate my single biggest turn-on when it comes to doing it outside: the risk of being seen. So my preferred venue has become other people’s yards.

Read More »

You Can’t Fire Me, I Hit It & Quit It

This was written on short notice for Esoterotica’s NSFW-themed show, so it went a little…base, let’s say…with its humor. But I never liked cream sauces anyway.

Nocturnal Admissions: You Can’t Fire Me, I Hit It & Quit It
By Zach Bartlett

I would have known that Warren was a chef, even if most of his stories didn’t involve coke at some point, because he always wore those houndstooth-patterned pants. He scheduled his appointments right after his shifts so that he’d be sure to have a good hour of coked-up lucidity before he had to pass out for the morning. Mostly we deal with his job-related stress, but last night was the first time we dealt with some relationship trouble.

“I need to find a new gig, that’s what’s pissing me off,” he began.

“I thought things were going well? You work with your dealer.”
Read More »