by Zach Bartlett

Attention heterosexual cis-gentlemen! Are you tired of fumbling about between your partner’s legs like a bedroom version of that claw game from old arcades? Have you already tried licking the entire English alphabet and had to move on to those makebelieve letters with dots and squiggly lines above ’em? Well wipe your worries away, because I’m here to tell you about a revolutionary new patent-pending product called Just Frickin’ Pay Attention to Her.
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